Tired of hurdles.

I'm stressed. I'm also pms-ing. But I am stressed and I'm moody.

The waiting game is starting to take a toll on me. The constant wondering, the ups and downs and endless need for paperwork. I know this is what my future looks like but I'm tired already. I really don't want to know everything but I just want to know something. Dyllon has had his surgeries. We should be good but we're still not. I know this is how they do things in the military and I know this isn't special treatment to make our lives specifically difficult. But apparently there was some miswording on the paperwork and we have to get more paperwork to prove his scalp is healed from surgery. It's just one more day, but it always feels like it's just one more thing. It's not going to hold us back anymore but it's just another hurdle. I'm tired of hurdles. This isn't just paperwork, just a statement on paper. This is our life, and it feels like we are on a see saw, stuck in balance between where we are now and The Coast Guard. I know that once he's in, it won't be like this anymore. I'll have dates and I'll have even the slightest idea what we are doing. But right now, I'm frustrated. It always feels like it's "just one more thing." And it's been like this for a full year now. It doesn't feel like that long on one hand and on the other it feels like so much longer. I selfishly want this part to be over with so I can have even the smallest peek into the window of what my future looks like. I want to give days instead of putting air quotes around my time frames. I want to know that he's in. 

Maybe I'm just ready for a change in my life, which is also selfish. Whatever it is I'm ready for it. I'm really just tired of not knowing. I hope that there's some relief in this and that it's soon.