Maybe I should be doing something else.

But i'm writing this instead.
Today i'm nervous & emotional.
I've been listening to sad songs all morning, and sort of closing myself off. I feel like this is a form of resurfacing anxiety, because of that feeling I have in my chest. I'm thinking about life, thinking about everything. Thinking about Dyllon. What else is new. I don't think I could ever be a successful blogger because everything I write about consist of:

• Dyllon
• My anxious thoughts
• Fitness
• The Coast Guard

Nothing else. And that's where I am right now. I've been thinking about life without Dyllon around ever since last night, because he was at work and I went to bed alone. 

I feel like my mind is racing. Thinking about all the things I want to accomplish and then the things I don't want to do anymore. The people I want to keep in my life and then the people I want to just let drift away. My lack of drive in some areas and my intensified drive in other areas. 

This is a wave of change. When I started in 2017, I never expected such a shift in mindset.

I'm afraid but i'm ready.