Reality.

I'm a bundle of emotions today. 

I'm assuming it probably started with the prompt eruption into tears last night upon realizing that Dyllon won't always be here to kiss me goodnight if this situation works out. He was leaving for work and he kissed me and told me goodnight (I was already in bed) and then left. 

I started thinking about how normal that has become to me, and how strange it will be, when I just go to bed. Without anyone telling me goodnight. Or that they love me. And that really scared me for a minute. 

I guess it's not that I don't think I can handle being alone, even though sometimes i'm more dependent than I should be. But the more real this gets the more I start forcing myself to think of the uncomfortable scenarios so I am not as jarred when they happen. 

Today more of those feelings started to flow through. I told my mom about our official appointment in hopes of some support, or excitement, or something. All I got was "Ok." My dad isn't really supportive either. Though I feel this is a very positive step in the right direction, everything is good and happy, the fact that there is no family support on my side (even though they say they do) makes me feel. Small. This is supposed to be a good thing. I just don't understand. I know i'm their child and they may not want me leaving, but I just wish, that they would hear me out for one second. I trust my husband. Is that so wrong?

My nerves about the interview on Monday are setting in as well. 

It's all so complex & though I have faith in my husband, it's all so scary. 

We want this so badly for our future.  

I'm putting my best faith forward with this. 

But I need all of the help I can get.