It's a good thing I don't have many readers because this is definitely turning into a diary type situation. A Coast Guard wife diary.
Even if I did have readers, I don't know if i'd mind. This is the kind of blogging i've always wanted to do. Unfiltered thoughts. To an extent anyway.
Randomly enough I was in the drive thru at Starbucks today.
And I had this image flicker into my mind, of Dyllon and I, sitting on a couch, in a home that is unfamiliar. His hair was cut short, and our house was nearly empty.
But it was just us, on the couch together. There were photos on the wall, a throw on the easy chair. The tv was going, but no sound, and I was just looking at him.
Maybe i'm strange, but this was a real life day dream.
I don't know what it meant, or why I randomly and suddenly had it.
But I did.
Of course it led to a train of thought, and before I knew it I was fully submerged in this day dream.
I have my moments when i'm scared of this big life change. Picking up everything I have, and moving to wherever the CG tells me. I could be 100 miles from my family and friends or 1000 miles from them. I won't know until the day i'm told. There will be no initial preparation.
And while that's mildly terrifying on its own, it also isn't.
All i've ever wanted was to be with Dyllon, and this is what that is.
Me and Dyllon, doing life together.
Alone.
I can hear the voices now, questioning the strength of our marriage through this process.
How will we survive it? We're young, our marriage is new.
Being away from eachother is hard. Being alone is hard.
But in all reality. I just have this overwhelming feeling, that this is what we were meant for.
Sure we'll meet new people in our new home(s) but all we will TRULY have, on the tangible side of things, is eachother. I think I will become stronger as a person, as well.
I will learn to be independent. Take care of myself, and defend myself in times where i'm alone.
My other relationships, whether they're with family, or friends, will also become stronger.
I won't have the luxury of going to see anyone I want, whenever I want, within an hour drive radius anymore.
While I see a lot of change, which is something I am always afraid of, there's something that overshadows all the change that is to come, and that's strength.
I see strength being my word for 2017. While I am still focusing on gratitude for this year, it's becoming more and more clear that strength will be where my focus shifts.
Physical strength, emotional strength, spiritual strength.
It all ties in to when orders are called, and I have to pack up everything I know and leave.
I don't talk about it a lot because I feel that many people will be bitter toward me.
I want to wait until the very last minute, because I don't want to let anything hinder me.
I am praying more, and letting Him lead me more.
Even if I end up moving to the other side of the state, that's still far enough that I'd have to make a day of the drive. I think i'll value people more, and savor time more.
Time with him. Time with me. Time with God.
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