The waiting game of a potential Coastie Wife.

Well.

Here I am.

It's 12:00 PM.

I haven't heard back from him since 5:30 this morning. I'm having a hard time explaining my feelings. Yesterday he blew the written testing out of the water, which should come as no surprise because his brain and knowledge are abundant.

Today I am nervous. But not in lack of faith. More lack of information.

I don't know where he is. I don't know what he's doing. I don't know how it's going.

I don't know anything.

I know this is something I am going to have to get used to. That "out of the loop" feeling.

I was reading back on my blog posts at the beginning of this uphill battle of chasing career dreams and the selfishness coming from me, was insane. I don't feel that anymore.

He'll be gone. Yes.

I'll be alone. Yes.

We will miss eachother. We will both survive.

My thoughts are racing but I feel like i'm not thinking of anything. A million things could go wrong, but I know my God will bless us. This whole process has felt TOO right, to go wrong. Everything has played out before our eyes, and every step has worked itself out. Just as this one will. I just need to focus on things that will go right. I get to see him this evening, and we will celebrate his passing. Or we will rejoice that he will get another chance, if something didn't work for him. Either way we will praise Him.

7 minutes have gone by since I started writing this.

I've been listening to the same 3 songs over and over.

"I Have This Hope" and "It is Well"

No matter. It is well. I must continue to tell myself that because we are so highly favored in His eyes. In my anxiety I keep forgetting that. We've gotten this far. We are going to keep progressing.

I really should write here more. I feel relief. It's therapeutic. Even if it's babbling, because I can't find the words for my current feelings. At least not words that sound right to me. But i'm writing because this day, is a big step in the journey. And once he passes, this day will be one I remember.

I want to remember how I felt today, because it will be completely different than how I feel tomorrow, or even later today.

12:10 PM.

Let's see what happens.